The lizard
Tribute to “The Pigeion” by Patrick Süskind
That night I got home pretty late. Girls were out, I had quite a day and the only wish cherished for the time being was to put my head on the pillow and escape from this vain world of which I had enough for that day. I walked in the bathroom and for some hard-to-explain reason glanced on the ceiling. I spotted a pair of eyes looking at me from there. I yelled!.... I found myself face-to-face with a big frustration of my life – a lizard, about 20 centimeters long. Without lengthy explanations I would just say: I am panicly afraid of reptiles and particularly disguised by snakes. Therefore, while lizards are not at the extreme end on the continuum of my fears, yet they hit some critical point way beyond my tolerance threshold. If I really stick to the facts though, I had already seen quite a few lizards that stay up on the walls of the buildings and at times get inside. Yet, they tended to be small and the meets occurred at the places that I could easily leave without being unnecessarily throwing up. This time a lizard invaded my habitat!!! I got ultimately scared, irritated and…numb. When I realized I cannot simply ignore the creature and I have to initiate some sort of interaction to eventfully scare it away, tears came to my eyes. For a minute I visualized myself as a focal point of the all-universe sufferings: the moment you feel that all the miseries of the world got accumulated in you, in poor, helpless you…and you actually feel like indulging in this misery… I ran away from the bathroom and locked the door so that the creature did not escape to my room – then chances of the peaceful sleep would be pretty much illusive.
My mobile rang. It was Rahul, whose “Hi dear, how have you been” got reciprocated with my panic, “Oh, my God, I’ve got a big lizard in my bathroom”. Hi did something that does not belittle his merits as a friend, yet something that was completely inappropriate for the occasion. He burst into laugh. “You are scared of a lizard… Ha-ha-ha..” Instead of the moral support I needed most I got to face a moral challenge which I already had. I just carried on with the explanations how much I am scared of the creature and that I do not know what to do. He was calling from the office and obviously had just some minutes to chat. That’s been a while since we had heard from each other last time and now with my lizard troubles I was clearly wasting his time. He kept laughing, teasing me and I could hear annoyance in his laugher. “I called you at last and you are so preoccupied with the lizard, stupid girl”. He tried to give me some suggestions and behaved just like any men - solution oriented. “Scare it away!” If only I could… He hanged up soon.
I was standing in the middle of my room completely clueless and scared. I could not, totally could not even look at the lizard and its anguine motions. I got into tears. How would I scare it away? And I have to, I have to… Me, poor me, again and again have to handle the situations I would not even need to bother about be I with someone else around. Why there is no someone else around? There are people I know, good buddies, close friends and relatives – all in the varying proximity or actually distance. Yet, no one here with me at the moment when I need this one most. How many more times in my life would I have to go through hurdles myself, getting unnecessarily strong? How much stronger does one have to become so to live happy? Would I still need someone around once I get that strong?…………………
What I really respect myself for is that despite the tears session is almost compulsory, right after I wipe away the last salty drop on my face the action plan is ready and I can mobilize myself.
I opened the door, walked in the bathroom and locked the door. I looked around and could not find the invader. Disappeared? Too good to be true! I glanced on the walls again and saw it down on the wall, almost on the floor – and I yelled again! Stay up on the wall, you miserable thing! It crawled up. I seized a mop and started splashing it on the walls with the cries of a warrior. I hoped to scare the lizard away with the sounds and the danger of being splashed…However, the latter was not intended by any means. The creature was way too big to be killed without me having serious remorse later. Responding to my actions, the lizard started feverishly fussing back and forth hoping to escape. I was getting more and more annoyed with this stupid animal that could not comprehend the commonality of our goals. It just had to leave. It was not safe for it to stay at the place where a mad woman swings a mop in the air and yells. It was not safe for my mental heath to carry on that way either. Yet, the lizard was running back and forth, back and forth without an end in mind. I was getting more and more frustrated and therefore – more and more desperate. At some point I lost any hope when the lizard sneaked behind the gazer as if thinking it might be a good compromise for us. Yet, I was determined to win. I carried on with both mop and my voice and… at some point of time the lizard sneaked out of the ventilation window. I locked the window. Had to tight it with a rope in fact, as the window did not close properly. I could not leave a chance for any prospective visiting creature to get in. I breathed out in the clear realization – done!... I was standing in the middle of my bathroom and tried to comprehend the fact that I had just scared away one of my major fears.
That night I got home pretty late. Girls were out, I had quite a day and the only wish cherished for the time being was to put my head on the pillow and escape from this vain world of which I had enough for that day. I walked in the bathroom and for some hard-to-explain reason glanced on the ceiling. I spotted a pair of eyes looking at me from there. I yelled!.... I found myself face-to-face with a big frustration of my life – a lizard, about 20 centimeters long. Without lengthy explanations I would just say: I am panicly afraid of reptiles and particularly disguised by snakes. Therefore, while lizards are not at the extreme end on the continuum of my fears, yet they hit some critical point way beyond my tolerance threshold. If I really stick to the facts though, I had already seen quite a few lizards that stay up on the walls of the buildings and at times get inside. Yet, they tended to be small and the meets occurred at the places that I could easily leave without being unnecessarily throwing up. This time a lizard invaded my habitat!!! I got ultimately scared, irritated and…numb. When I realized I cannot simply ignore the creature and I have to initiate some sort of interaction to eventfully scare it away, tears came to my eyes. For a minute I visualized myself as a focal point of the all-universe sufferings: the moment you feel that all the miseries of the world got accumulated in you, in poor, helpless you…and you actually feel like indulging in this misery… I ran away from the bathroom and locked the door so that the creature did not escape to my room – then chances of the peaceful sleep would be pretty much illusive.
My mobile rang. It was Rahul, whose “Hi dear, how have you been” got reciprocated with my panic, “Oh, my God, I’ve got a big lizard in my bathroom”. Hi did something that does not belittle his merits as a friend, yet something that was completely inappropriate for the occasion. He burst into laugh. “You are scared of a lizard… Ha-ha-ha..” Instead of the moral support I needed most I got to face a moral challenge which I already had. I just carried on with the explanations how much I am scared of the creature and that I do not know what to do. He was calling from the office and obviously had just some minutes to chat. That’s been a while since we had heard from each other last time and now with my lizard troubles I was clearly wasting his time. He kept laughing, teasing me and I could hear annoyance in his laugher. “I called you at last and you are so preoccupied with the lizard, stupid girl”. He tried to give me some suggestions and behaved just like any men - solution oriented. “Scare it away!” If only I could… He hanged up soon.
I was standing in the middle of my room completely clueless and scared. I could not, totally could not even look at the lizard and its anguine motions. I got into tears. How would I scare it away? And I have to, I have to… Me, poor me, again and again have to handle the situations I would not even need to bother about be I with someone else around. Why there is no someone else around? There are people I know, good buddies, close friends and relatives – all in the varying proximity or actually distance. Yet, no one here with me at the moment when I need this one most. How many more times in my life would I have to go through hurdles myself, getting unnecessarily strong? How much stronger does one have to become so to live happy? Would I still need someone around once I get that strong?…………………
What I really respect myself for is that despite the tears session is almost compulsory, right after I wipe away the last salty drop on my face the action plan is ready and I can mobilize myself.
I opened the door, walked in the bathroom and locked the door. I looked around and could not find the invader. Disappeared? Too good to be true! I glanced on the walls again and saw it down on the wall, almost on the floor – and I yelled again! Stay up on the wall, you miserable thing! It crawled up. I seized a mop and started splashing it on the walls with the cries of a warrior. I hoped to scare the lizard away with the sounds and the danger of being splashed…However, the latter was not intended by any means. The creature was way too big to be killed without me having serious remorse later. Responding to my actions, the lizard started feverishly fussing back and forth hoping to escape. I was getting more and more annoyed with this stupid animal that could not comprehend the commonality of our goals. It just had to leave. It was not safe for it to stay at the place where a mad woman swings a mop in the air and yells. It was not safe for my mental heath to carry on that way either. Yet, the lizard was running back and forth, back and forth without an end in mind. I was getting more and more frustrated and therefore – more and more desperate. At some point I lost any hope when the lizard sneaked behind the gazer as if thinking it might be a good compromise for us. Yet, I was determined to win. I carried on with both mop and my voice and… at some point of time the lizard sneaked out of the ventilation window. I locked the window. Had to tight it with a rope in fact, as the window did not close properly. I could not leave a chance for any prospective visiting creature to get in. I breathed out in the clear realization – done!... I was standing in the middle of my bathroom and tried to comprehend the fact that I had just scared away one of my major fears.
posted by Olga Tikhonova | 10:30 am
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