Indian men: biased note of a White girl
It seems that for 1,5 months in India I’ve learnt so much more about how it feels to be a woman than I did in my first year in Norway. India really teaches you something about femininity and you should make sure you experience the best part of it too (u’ll face the worst part for sure, that is why some compensation is needed ;o)
These are Indian men who would make you truly feel as a woman. In Russia we’ve got this expression “feel female”. IMHO it implies that you feel protected, adored, given credit to look beautiful and appreciated when looking beautiful.
Ok, my further elaborations concern those Indian men I’ve got to know (going out, joint socializing, family friends etc) mainly from middle and upper class. I do not mention those who do nothing but make me feel uncomfortable as a woman: those amount for huge numbers indeed – but let leave them out of scope.
I fall in love with literally any man I got to know here. It’s just so easy. You really sense this bursting masculinity and there is nothing more attractive about men than that. This masculinity comes in many forms varying from at times funny show off and bravado of younger guys to a sense of great responsibility over their families, women as such and friends, shown by more mature men.
Every time being with one I feel so protected, so taken care of: my wishes are anticipated and fulfilled (may take time, but women are doomed to be patient in India ;o). All this coupled with the admiration looks I catch really cherishes the feeling of being a woman rather than an a-sexual human being which u’r mainly considered when hanging out with a mixed-sex crowd in Europe. In latter, I guess, unless you really like a girl you do not show such behaviour (some manage not to behave like that even with the girls they like). Here (just like in Russia) every woman is beautiful, if you know what I mean ;o)
Examples that made some western eye-brows rise:
· My female friend and me go our with male friends of hers. They take us to a really nice night club and no worries are needed about entry, drinks or any issues emerging. We’ll be safe, having lots of fun, dancing, protected from extra attention from other men, walked to the bathroom and picked on the way back ;o) and safely delivered to our house at the end.
· I tell my male friend that I need eye-drops: we drive to the chemist, he explains what the symptoms are and gets the drops for me.
· Me and my friend are departing on a train and notice a stall with nuts and dried fruits: we decide to go for dates. The male friend who sees us off gets two packs – one for each. He also runs to get some mineral water for us as the train is departing and we nearly forgot to get drinking water.
I already can see some sceptical smiles on some Western faces ;o) I am not naïve, people, ok?! But it’s stupid to explain it all as a form of sexual advances. I believe that on the first place, people really know something about friendship regardless the gender here: they really go for miles for each other. And only then… ok… I am a blond girl, of course I would enjoy al those small privileges: men are just men in this country.
Moreover, please, mind that my work makes me aware of various issues that do not really encourage idealistic perspective on Indian masculinity. Harassed women, raped girls, beaten wives – it’s all part and parcel of this bursting masculinity. I also keep observing what happens around. I can see that women keep quite and respectful when men is busy, e.g., talking to someone. I can see how highly educate and working women still bear the full burden of the home duties. I can see that women are recognized only when married.
Bu then…. there is a small issue .. Follows as nicely articulated by one of my male Indian friends.
His Western female friend commented on his amazing hospitality and nice reception she gets at his house. She jokes he would be a perfect partner to live with.
- Oh now,- he smiles. If we live together it’s all gonna be yours too. And then it would be you doing things…
The moral is being friends with India males is not the same as being their girlfriends (wives). In the first case you’re equal parts, in the second you are put in his balance sheet (and you cannot be sure to be entered as an asset or a liability). Goes for every culture to some extent, I believe.
So, Indian males are terrific friends. And it’s up to you how far you want to go in your friendship relations. But be sure and be safe - no marital consequences. As a rule of thumb here, guys before the marriage can hang out with any girls. They do not marry the ones they hang out with, though. On the first place, girls who are easy going when it comes to hanging out have already failed their exams for good Indian wives. Found this Turkish saying “{sexual liaison} is a stain (dishonour/shame) on her face and henna (sign of celebration and festivity) on his hand”. Applies here too. And then arranged marriages still prevails. And you, an easy-going Western girl, would not be even included in the list of the least preferred candidates. So, carry on with the friendship as Indian males are terrific friends ;o)
These are Indian men who would make you truly feel as a woman. In Russia we’ve got this expression “feel female”. IMHO it implies that you feel protected, adored, given credit to look beautiful and appreciated when looking beautiful.
Ok, my further elaborations concern those Indian men I’ve got to know (going out, joint socializing, family friends etc) mainly from middle and upper class. I do not mention those who do nothing but make me feel uncomfortable as a woman: those amount for huge numbers indeed – but let leave them out of scope.
I fall in love with literally any man I got to know here. It’s just so easy. You really sense this bursting masculinity and there is nothing more attractive about men than that. This masculinity comes in many forms varying from at times funny show off and bravado of younger guys to a sense of great responsibility over their families, women as such and friends, shown by more mature men.
Every time being with one I feel so protected, so taken care of: my wishes are anticipated and fulfilled (may take time, but women are doomed to be patient in India ;o). All this coupled with the admiration looks I catch really cherishes the feeling of being a woman rather than an a-sexual human being which u’r mainly considered when hanging out with a mixed-sex crowd in Europe. In latter, I guess, unless you really like a girl you do not show such behaviour (some manage not to behave like that even with the girls they like). Here (just like in Russia) every woman is beautiful, if you know what I mean ;o)
Examples that made some western eye-brows rise:
· My female friend and me go our with male friends of hers. They take us to a really nice night club and no worries are needed about entry, drinks or any issues emerging. We’ll be safe, having lots of fun, dancing, protected from extra attention from other men, walked to the bathroom and picked on the way back ;o) and safely delivered to our house at the end.
· I tell my male friend that I need eye-drops: we drive to the chemist, he explains what the symptoms are and gets the drops for me.
· Me and my friend are departing on a train and notice a stall with nuts and dried fruits: we decide to go for dates. The male friend who sees us off gets two packs – one for each. He also runs to get some mineral water for us as the train is departing and we nearly forgot to get drinking water.
I already can see some sceptical smiles on some Western faces ;o) I am not naïve, people, ok?! But it’s stupid to explain it all as a form of sexual advances. I believe that on the first place, people really know something about friendship regardless the gender here: they really go for miles for each other. And only then… ok… I am a blond girl, of course I would enjoy al those small privileges: men are just men in this country.
Moreover, please, mind that my work makes me aware of various issues that do not really encourage idealistic perspective on Indian masculinity. Harassed women, raped girls, beaten wives – it’s all part and parcel of this bursting masculinity. I also keep observing what happens around. I can see that women keep quite and respectful when men is busy, e.g., talking to someone. I can see how highly educate and working women still bear the full burden of the home duties. I can see that women are recognized only when married.
Bu then…. there is a small issue .. Follows as nicely articulated by one of my male Indian friends.
His Western female friend commented on his amazing hospitality and nice reception she gets at his house. She jokes he would be a perfect partner to live with.
- Oh now,- he smiles. If we live together it’s all gonna be yours too. And then it would be you doing things…
The moral is being friends with India males is not the same as being their girlfriends (wives). In the first case you’re equal parts, in the second you are put in his balance sheet (and you cannot be sure to be entered as an asset or a liability). Goes for every culture to some extent, I believe.
So, Indian males are terrific friends. And it’s up to you how far you want to go in your friendship relations. But be sure and be safe - no marital consequences. As a rule of thumb here, guys before the marriage can hang out with any girls. They do not marry the ones they hang out with, though. On the first place, girls who are easy going when it comes to hanging out have already failed their exams for good Indian wives. Found this Turkish saying “{sexual liaison} is a stain (dishonour/shame) on her face and henna (sign of celebration and festivity) on his hand”. Applies here too. And then arranged marriages still prevails. And you, an easy-going Western girl, would not be even included in the list of the least preferred candidates. So, carry on with the friendship as Indian males are terrific friends ;o)
posted by Olga Tikhonova | 9:28 am
2 Comments:
Interesting Observation
If I were a woman, I'd rather take unconditional gender-neutral respect in Norway than the "bursting masculinity" in Indian and other societies that have yet to mature to the point where women are treated as individuals and not social property. If it weren't for your chivalrous escorts, you'd see the real bursting masculinity that Indian women face everyday in the form of lewd catcalls and gropes. You yourself admit that Western and sexually liberated Indian women are seen as casual fun and not serious relationship material. I don't know about you, but even as a man, I do not see this as a good thing.
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