Zero-sum game

In the morning I’ve learnt that I can travel by bus even when all-western dressed and high-healed; firmly say “Piche, piche, baisab” to the dirty men standing way too close behind me and watch him immediately vanishing from the scene; claim my 5 rupees back from an auto-wala whom I requested to go for 30, who quoted 35 back, with whom I went anyway and whom I did not intend to pay more than 30. It’s a zero-sum logic that I have learnt throughout my daily routines on the streets of Delhi: there is not harm in using my elbows, being persistent and firm if not rude, talking and looking haughtily if talking and looking at all, walking away if someone does not agree on your terms – no harm for me, and about the rest I do not care as much as they do not care a button for me.

So sad, zero-sum principle does not work in relationship with dear people where you cannot protect your comfort, your space, your very being with the same level of confidence that you apply to the situations with people you do not know. As there is something to care for – the comfort, the space, the very being of the other person - and your relationship with him or her. Something precious to care for and something irreplaceable to lose… how can you elbow if you can hurt, how can you be rude if someone would suffer, how can you perk away after your terms were not accepted if you cannot be sure you’ll hear a hail back.