Kashmiri wedding
It’s thanks to Klaus that I got to know one Kashmri family in Delhi and I met them in February At... This is how I got an invitation to the Utpal’s niece wedding that was to take place in mid April. With my hectic life and what is more – poor self-discipline I did not manage to meet Utpal’s family before that. But, at least, I made it to the wedding.
I just got a nice salwar-kameez from Vishnu’s mother (my first proper one), but I opted for sari. It appeared however, that I completely forgot how to wrap it and I had to take help from a neighbouring lady (so amazed she was to see me with kinda wrapped sari at her door). Yet, I managed to break the heal of the newly bought shoes when climbing our steep and dark staircase. Went to the shop – they gave me a new pair… of a smaller size though.. But shoes are so gorgeous (quite an exception for that ugly range they’ve got at Malvia Nagar) that I can even forgive a little bit hanging heel… Anyways, my sari look was a highlight of the night ;o) So humble I am ;o) But this was a topic of the discussions with women I got to speak with that night – oh you look great, how you managed to put it on…
When I got introduced to Priyanka, the bride, the first thing she told me was “oh, you are so beautiful”. On men’s part … one cousin brother of Utpal told me that when I entered he though I was an Indian girl (Kashmere girls have rather fair complexion). Utpal told me at the end of the night that people did not comment on that to me, but discussed a lot with each other – yep, me, gorgeous me… Long live sari and this princess-like look it gives ;o)
The wedding was carried out according to Kashemiri Hindu traditions. Yet, it was a Delhi, therefore, - a somewhat reduced version of it (dynamics of big city prescribes…): it took only two days, functions were conducted in the evenings, guests’ outfits were not as flashy as they might be in smaller cities. Still the timing in the invitation appeared very tentative: the concept of IST (Indian Stretchable Time) rules in the capital too.
I got to meet Utpal’s family. Brothers, sisters, daughters, sons – I got meaningfully speak to many of those that night. Again, everyone wonders if I like the country, whether I am enjoying the wedding, whether I had food etc – amazing features of Indian hospitality.
Not at least, I got to meat two Danish ladies, mother Ole and daughter Kristina, friends of Utpal’s brother. Prominently tall, blond and very nicely dressed they certainly captured attention of the public.
It takes some hours for the guests to come and here it starts. The groom (barat) arrives along with all the guests and relatives from his side.
Drams play, cameras are ready and the bride’s side welcomes the groom and his family with marigold garlands.
The groom takes a seat on a podium at the reception area. After a while the bride’s sisters and cousins walk her to the groom and she takes a seat nearby.
They just seat (later in they exchange marigold garlands), pose for pictures with relatives coming up in various combinations and quantities.
The job of a guest is a less difficult one than that of the couple – walk around, stare, get to meet both families, gossip and discuss, help yourself with snacks and fruits, take pictures with the couple, have dinner not forgetting the desert and leave. So did many people before the midnight. I stayed for the religious ceremony too – that one was attended only by some family members.
In course of the ceremony the eldest person in the family “passes” the bride to the groom. It could have been bride’s father, but he’s got an elder brother. In Hindu traditions elders are always prioritised and given respect, therefore the elder uncle passing the bride to the groom. He’s been on fast for some time before the wedding.
The bride and the groom still wear heavy garlands and once the ceremony starts an old lady interferes and angrily protests. As far as I made out she was insisting on relieving the burden for the couple - she wanted to remove the garlands. After a minor discussion the priest agreed…
The settings are as follows: the couple, the priest, his helper and bride’s maids are participating.
Priest is chanting mantras, his helper is taking care of all the routines to be carried out. Both the bride and the groom are obediently following the rituals. The bride maids are holding an umbrella and a shawl above the couple so that to symbolically protect them.
Hazelnut, sandal tree powder, herbs, dahi (yoghurt), gee (refined butter) – both sponsored by MotherDairy ;o) and marigold petals are the major auspicious attributes of the ceremony.
At some point the groom is given a mirror and suggested to look into it. As Utpal explained to me later it symbolizes that before taking important decisions one should have a look into himself to see where he is. Later on the real fire on stones is started and the room gets filed with smoke. The couple is supposed to go around the fire several times. Fire is present as a witness. Obviously, there are humans witnessing the ceremony, but it is fire that is eternal. It is in front of fire that bride and groom promise to stay together for good, to take care of each other and to share joy and misery.
The religious ceremony is the one that is considered binding: once it’s carried out the couple is married. To my astonishment, I got to know that it’s very uncommon for people to register their marriages in India. This couple will just because they are leaving for residence in the US soon after the marriage, so their marital status has to be officially confirmed. One uncle of the bride told me he went to register his marriage 15 years later after the marriage happened (again, for immigration purposes). The officials asked him to bring the person who married them as a witness. There was no way to do that, so he brought his wedding pictures to show and it worked. And what do you think now – is it for fun they spent hours for taking pictures at weddings?..
I asked how then Census figures out number of families in the country: they go from door to door and ask, was the answer. Interestingly enough, whenever they go from door to door and ask in Russia, they invariably figure out that there are more married women than married men…
I do not really want to overload the description of this beautiful wedding with my heavy elaborations about arranged marriages, and I will not - later, later. But just some opinions I got to hear. The Danish lady I met was taken aback when she got to know that the bride and the groom just met 10 times before getting married and that this girl had to make it work with the guy her parents selected for her. Later on I got to hear Indian perspective on the arranged marriages. According to the latter, those two touchingly in love cannot really decide for themselves whether they can marry. Yet, parents are cool-hearted ones, therefore they can select a party for their child – there should be a match (nationality, religion, cast, level of educational etc) to ensure a good family. And they say that in 90+% cases this marriages work out. Due to the initially right choice of visionary parents or due to the immense tolerance of women or due to the outstanding value attached to the institute of family when the latter comes above all the personal aspirations…. I don’t know…. And lucky I am - I do not have to.
I just got a nice salwar-kameez from Vishnu’s mother (my first proper one), but I opted for sari. It appeared however, that I completely forgot how to wrap it and I had to take help from a neighbouring lady (so amazed she was to see me with kinda wrapped sari at her door). Yet, I managed to break the heal of the newly bought shoes when climbing our steep and dark staircase. Went to the shop – they gave me a new pair… of a smaller size though.. But shoes are so gorgeous (quite an exception for that ugly range they’ve got at Malvia Nagar) that I can even forgive a little bit hanging heel… Anyways, my sari look was a highlight of the night ;o) So humble I am ;o) But this was a topic of the discussions with women I got to speak with that night – oh you look great, how you managed to put it on…
When I got introduced to Priyanka, the bride, the first thing she told me was “oh, you are so beautiful”. On men’s part … one cousin brother of Utpal told me that when I entered he though I was an Indian girl (Kashmere girls have rather fair complexion). Utpal told me at the end of the night that people did not comment on that to me, but discussed a lot with each other – yep, me, gorgeous me… Long live sari and this princess-like look it gives ;o)
The wedding was carried out according to Kashemiri Hindu traditions. Yet, it was a Delhi, therefore, - a somewhat reduced version of it (dynamics of big city prescribes…): it took only two days, functions were conducted in the evenings, guests’ outfits were not as flashy as they might be in smaller cities. Still the timing in the invitation appeared very tentative: the concept of IST (Indian Stretchable Time) rules in the capital too.
I got to meet Utpal’s family. Brothers, sisters, daughters, sons – I got meaningfully speak to many of those that night. Again, everyone wonders if I like the country, whether I am enjoying the wedding, whether I had food etc – amazing features of Indian hospitality.
Not at least, I got to meat two Danish ladies, mother Ole and daughter Kristina, friends of Utpal’s brother. Prominently tall, blond and very nicely dressed they certainly captured attention of the public.
It takes some hours for the guests to come and here it starts. The groom (barat) arrives along with all the guests and relatives from his side.
Drams play, cameras are ready and the bride’s side welcomes the groom and his family with marigold garlands.
The groom takes a seat on a podium at the reception area. After a while the bride’s sisters and cousins walk her to the groom and she takes a seat nearby.
They just seat (later in they exchange marigold garlands), pose for pictures with relatives coming up in various combinations and quantities.
The job of a guest is a less difficult one than that of the couple – walk around, stare, get to meet both families, gossip and discuss, help yourself with snacks and fruits, take pictures with the couple, have dinner not forgetting the desert and leave. So did many people before the midnight. I stayed for the religious ceremony too – that one was attended only by some family members.
In course of the ceremony the eldest person in the family “passes” the bride to the groom. It could have been bride’s father, but he’s got an elder brother. In Hindu traditions elders are always prioritised and given respect, therefore the elder uncle passing the bride to the groom. He’s been on fast for some time before the wedding.
The bride and the groom still wear heavy garlands and once the ceremony starts an old lady interferes and angrily protests. As far as I made out she was insisting on relieving the burden for the couple - she wanted to remove the garlands. After a minor discussion the priest agreed…
The settings are as follows: the couple, the priest, his helper and bride’s maids are participating.
Priest is chanting mantras, his helper is taking care of all the routines to be carried out. Both the bride and the groom are obediently following the rituals. The bride maids are holding an umbrella and a shawl above the couple so that to symbolically protect them.
Hazelnut, sandal tree powder, herbs, dahi (yoghurt), gee (refined butter) – both sponsored by MotherDairy ;o) and marigold petals are the major auspicious attributes of the ceremony.
At some point the groom is given a mirror and suggested to look into it. As Utpal explained to me later it symbolizes that before taking important decisions one should have a look into himself to see where he is. Later on the real fire on stones is started and the room gets filed with smoke. The couple is supposed to go around the fire several times. Fire is present as a witness. Obviously, there are humans witnessing the ceremony, but it is fire that is eternal. It is in front of fire that bride and groom promise to stay together for good, to take care of each other and to share joy and misery.
The religious ceremony is the one that is considered binding: once it’s carried out the couple is married. To my astonishment, I got to know that it’s very uncommon for people to register their marriages in India. This couple will just because they are leaving for residence in the US soon after the marriage, so their marital status has to be officially confirmed. One uncle of the bride told me he went to register his marriage 15 years later after the marriage happened (again, for immigration purposes). The officials asked him to bring the person who married them as a witness. There was no way to do that, so he brought his wedding pictures to show and it worked. And what do you think now – is it for fun they spent hours for taking pictures at weddings?..
I asked how then Census figures out number of families in the country: they go from door to door and ask, was the answer. Interestingly enough, whenever they go from door to door and ask in Russia, they invariably figure out that there are more married women than married men…
I do not really want to overload the description of this beautiful wedding with my heavy elaborations about arranged marriages, and I will not - later, later. But just some opinions I got to hear. The Danish lady I met was taken aback when she got to know that the bride and the groom just met 10 times before getting married and that this girl had to make it work with the guy her parents selected for her. Later on I got to hear Indian perspective on the arranged marriages. According to the latter, those two touchingly in love cannot really decide for themselves whether they can marry. Yet, parents are cool-hearted ones, therefore they can select a party for their child – there should be a match (nationality, religion, cast, level of educational etc) to ensure a good family. And they say that in 90+% cases this marriages work out. Due to the initially right choice of visionary parents or due to the immense tolerance of women or due to the outstanding value attached to the institute of family when the latter comes above all the personal aspirations…. I don’t know…. And lucky I am - I do not have to.
posted by Olga Tikhonova | 3:35 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home